Acerola anyone?

Back (roads) stage pass.

It doesn’t take much to get me out the door and exploring. Especially the storied Route 66, a lot of which I have covered…and more than once. I love the name, logo, tagline and shape of the can.

While not a nutritional label reader, I was curious (and all signs pointed to the side of the can). That little detour is where I learned of a new fruit: acerola. Didn’t sound like anything I wanted to pop in my mouth, let alone sip.

Lo and behold, it’s none other than the West Indian, Barbados or Puerto Rican cherry and related to the hawthorn, which the Chinese eat along with their tea. To my etymological surprise, the fruit name is rooted in Arabic al-zu’rur (al- = the + zu’rur = medlar) by way of Spanish. Yet the medlar itself is actually related to (but much smaller than) apples, pears and quinces and has an amazing story of its own. Bletted are its ways.

Mass Scare Tactic

Yes, Napoleon, there is a complex.

“Mascarathon” caught my attention. After reading this Napoleon Perdis ad, though, I realized how off-strategy that header is for what the company is trying to get across here: breadth of play. If the focus were only on making lashes longer, lash extensions or long-lasting mascara, the word would hit the mark, but do I really need a “wardrobe of mascara options?” How realistic is it for women to change their mascara during the day or from day to evening? Yes, we might re-apply, but not if it involved toting around more product. Napoleon lost, indeed.

I want my mascara to multi-task; it should work as hard as I do.

What the company was probably after with “Mascarathon” was the suffix “-athlon,” as in heptathlon and decathlon. Heptathletes and decathletes are versatile performers in multi-sport athletic events. They need different equipment and strategy for each competitive category, if you will, to achieve the desired results. Unfortunately, the –athlon suffix does not score well; it is clunky and hard to pronounce in combination with “mascar-.” Therefore, maybe the change to “-athon.” They were on the right track in fusing two word parts together, but a little verbal strength training would have improved the messaging angle.

Flit and Flat

Flustered but batting an eye.

I spy a word that starts with an “f….” Flirt & Flutter is a good evocative name. Initial “f’s” signal a sense of speed (fast, furious, frantic, flip, flash), goodness (fresh, fragrant, freedom, flavor, flush) and lightness (feather, flight, flicker, flury, float). Without any other cues as to the industry they’re in, the salon’s tagline leaves no doubt. The problem is they are trying to be more than what they are. What is it with this lifestyle thing? Just like everyone calling him-or herself an author, every company seems to be copycatting the lifestyle position. Most can’t even remotely deliver. At the very least, one tagline is enough.

Next up is the domain. Either the domain lags behind what may have been a name change from “Flirt & Flutter Lash Loft” to “Flirt & Flutter” or “flirtandflutter.com,” “flirtandflutterbeauty.com,” “flirtandflitterlifestyle.com” and “flirtandflitterboutique.com” (as examples) were already taken. The domain, however, makes the “…a Lifestyle” all the more unbelievable. Trying to be the Sprite in a cola proliferation is not working.

Back home on the range

Crippled by mediocre design.

Pluses: So excited to learn from my Winnipeg friends that the Jets were heading due north. They never belonged in Atlanta anyway. Ecstatic they kept the name (it had so much going for it if only they had picked up from where they left off). Happy to hear St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador now have something to scream about.

Minuses: Disappointed that Reebok did not come up with something more inspiring and/or the hat trick of brand identity decision makers (NHL, Reebok and True North) chose something as flat and still as the Canadian prairie. Don’t get me wrong…flat and still are great in the right context. This is not that.

As a former competitive ice hockey goaltender, I feel I have earned some modicum of opinion with respect to design and the role it plays in jumpstarting brand loyalty. Supposing I am a circa 2011 Jets player, when I put on this jersey, does it inspire me to play better, to win, to be a great teammate and sportsman? Does it give me butterflies to don this logo-ed gear? Do I feel proud wearing it? Do I want to send logo-ed wearables to my friends, family and fans? Do I slap a sticker on my car or a patch on my jacket? The answer to all the above is a resounding no. The CFAC deserves a more soulful, more choreographed shout-out.

Furthermore, the tagline, “Fuelled by passion,” (yes, with a double “l”) is as crash-and-burn as they come. It’s so “done,” so “obvious,” so ‘90’s. The team and Winnipeg merited a full-throttle brand identity rather than what they got:  a watered down, emotionless, superficial, “designed by committee” knee-jerk “solution.” There are a lot better ways to say “jets” and all the positive associations it has going for it than slapping one on a logo. In fact, in the name alone, you have already said it, so the illustration is redundant! This is an example of a lost messaging opportunity a.k.a. dumbing things down. Now, I’m not advocating a ubiquitous, meaningless swish or swoosh to show energy, motion, tactical superiority, finesse, speed, etc., but that winged thing just looks parked on the tarmac. And, if they had to get the blessing from Toronto to use the maple leaf as a secondary design element, that alone means it was/is too close to the former’s logo in the first place. The dismal lack of fortitude to be original is a shame.

Management, you want game shut-outs, not fan shut-outs! The first puck of the season has not even dropped, and I’m not feelin’ it.

Little Miss Ster Ling

Gul-(lible)pada

No, not the latest Asian model or starlet. I’m talking about SILPADA. They’ve got everything wrong, except their craft. I love sterling silver jewelry, preferably the vintage American Indian and mid-century Nordic kind. For the purist, the only silver is sterling. Unfortunately, sterling doesn’t anything along the lines of a Denomination of Origin that would inform the buyer as to what is and is not sterling, much less to the fact that there is a difference. Part of the problem stems from ignorance (intentional and not). Salespeople say “silver” and only the informed know to ask if it’s real…meaning sterling or .925 or above silver content. Thankfully, this brand is upfront about the quality of its silver; it’s praised as “handcrafted,” yet the company never divulges the origin of the goods outside of the “world.” So, let’s get on with what I’m not sold on.

Nothing is credible in this ad, dated or not, or at the website. The tagline here tells me what they’re peddling, but there’s really no need…could this lady have on any more jewelry? So much is bad taste; it just cheapens the idea…and the wearer. Such a display even cheapens sterling, which has a long-standing image issue to the less artistically inclined. (Some people won’t wear anything but gold, even if it is gold-dipped, vermeil or 10-carat.) Sterling lacks fans mostly due to things like this: poor product design (there’s just no depth or soul to what looks and is overly commercial) and even poorer branding. Also, sterling tarnishes, and people are lazy. They don’t want to do any maintenance on their adornments. But, it’s just like most everything…you need to keep your purses, shoes, teeth and earbuds clean. Gold needs cleaning on occasion, too.

I never could figure out this ad (from InStyle, November 2009) of a few years back (yes, I’m going through some magazine clippings) — What do vacation days have to do with jewelry? I don’t naturally associate “controlling my time” with a vacation. Why do I want to escape with jewelry? Is that my retail therapy? The colors of the gal’s outfit? Again, nothing aspirational.

Fast forward to 2011. OK, so you’re trying to sell me on the idea that a lifestyle consists of pushing your products at hosted parties and plugging your brand whenever I can get a word in? Such is not a lifestyle (a word which is altogether deserving of another post); it’s unrealistic,  another job and would alienate my friends. The Tupperware, Mary Kay and Avon of sterling. Sorry, you three. You’re good. Just referencing the channel. Silpada, it’s demeaning to see you pitch success defined as a lifestyle built around not only wearing gobs of mass-produced sterling silver jewelry, but selling the stuff. (Want a little .925 with that salad?)

I see that they somehow have secured the silpada.com domain (over the previous silpadajewelry.com). I wonder how much that cost them. The name is not bad, but it’s not pretty either. It’s got some VCV (vowel-consonant-vowel) going on, making it easy to pronounce, and the “Sil-“ informs me of the metal, but the name sounds more like a pill or a shoe insert. Font confusion: The font in the name has no personality; they try to make up for it with the arrows, but it doesn’t work. The font in the logo on the home page is different from the font in the “Welcome to….” The current tagline: Live Life in Style.” is over-capitalized and doesn’t need two fonts. It is Bonneville flat (without the speed). So far, between the name and the tagline, I have no idea what line of business you are in. “Sil-“ only helps with a visual cue. I figure it out by a few nav buttons and “financial freedom.” You can never have enough jewelry, but you can wear more than enough.

Pring-less

Pringles: all tuckered out.

One way to leave your brand.

These ads are ridiculous. Really painful to see what this brand has become. The circa Laura Ingalls man and loudspeaker look like Mr. Whipple with gastritis. With the 57^th way to enjoy these crisps being called “The Pucker-Up,” I cringe to think how they named the other 99 ways, although I can bet you 95 or so don’t exist. The only redemption the Procter Gamble Co. (PG) gets for producing such lame ads and letting the brand flop to irrelevancy is that in April they offloaded Pringles to Diamond Foods (DMND) for $1.5 billion. Yes, with a “b.”

It helps to know that these chips are sold in over 140 countries, often nodding to regional preferences, like the cucumber-flavored ones I found in China. Those were so mild, I had to be reminded of what I was eating. Luckily, I discovered Flutes, which completely outdid them in taste, shape and durability. Yes, there is such a thing with chips — durability, that is; the one reason these have to be sold in a can is to keep them from looking like sand at their destination. As the last of P&G’s food brands to be shed, the company can now focus on its core cosmetics and healthcare units. Let’s hope this is a good buy for Diamond. They have their work cut out for them in bringing this brand back to its game. Let the crisps begin…again!

The Acci-dental Namer

Maybe it was a contest.

Rota-dent (Circa 2007). That name hurts. I can’t see anyone putting something called Rotadent in his/her mouth. It sounds like something that belongs under the sink, for other cleaning jobs. It brings to mind Fix-a-Flat.

Don’t know what kind of success these folks are having, but I can guarantee you the salespeople would be a lot happier with a savory name. I learned of this product from my dentist, who knows the business I am in. Even she, unsolicited, commented on how bad the name was. That is key, because this electric toothbrush is only available through a dental professional. Not only has Zila, Inc., the parent company, not had their own internal sales force and marketing in mind, they’ve also lobbed a heavy load to the very audience who directly sells them!

Their tagline: The prescription powered brush. This is good. Of course, without context, this could be any kind of brush…for the hair, for the shoes, for the mustache, for the shower, maybe multi-purpose. Also, nouns that modify adjectives should be separated by a hyphen. Showing a relationship between the words aids reading comprehension: The prescription-powered brush.

Yes, I'm sure of it.

Rotadent Plus (Circa 2011). The Professional Rotary Toothbrush. The name, tagline and logo have undergone some hygiene. The name still sucks. The tagline gets them nowhere and is stiff from over-capitalization. Godzillas! However, I see that they’ve decided to throw in the wordpart “tooth” to better message what industry they’re in. Good move, all things considered. The logo is less unique, to the point of not messaging “rotating:” now it’s not technically within the name, but rather lassoing the “d.” They should try making the “d” more like a toothbrush. The hands around the brush could be the rounded part of the “d,” and the rest of the wand could be like a Serif tail. The rotating action could be represented more meaningfully by the brush itself, not those ornamental, lazy swirls there now. Zila, are you listening? I gotta give ‘em this though: these brushes are proudly made in the U.S.A. Go, Zila!

The Ten Finger Index

Crackle, my ackle.

Hitting the nail on its head. Usually a good thing. The sign of hand-eye coordination. The hallmark of an experienced framer or roofer. Usually a solid sound. Yet, more often than not a woman’s nails are a snapshot of the world at hand. This time… crashed, damaged, shot, surging, shaken, fractured, severed, splintered, etc. You know, that giant breaking sound. The Feds need a demolition ball wake-up call.

Meanwhile, over in the beauty department, give it to the industry for their relentless efforts to separate us from our wallets and common sense. As with distressed jeans, spending more to get less (using new math) yields a net positive. I prefer to just spend less, but that is, well, plain, not fashionable.

On a messaging note, they’ve wasted a tagline. I see the name. Don’t need to cackle “Crackle” right below it. “Crackle” represents 40% of the words here. Otherwise know as dumbing it down. A round of applause for a new economic indicator. TFI for short.

‘ball or nothin’

As the top of the neck says, "Dive in."

I like the name, font, illustration style and how this wine introduces itself ‘round back. Reminds me of summers in Athens, GA. Green Hills Country Club, a few miles away from home, to which my neighbors and I would bike to and back, sans helmets. I take it that cannonball.com was taken, but drinkcannonball.com works. That is a command, right?

We’ve seen America in much freer, legs-tucked-under, uninhibited stances. Let’s get (back) on with those times. Happy Birthday, USA!

Bottoms Down!

Flipping through magazines over the years, I started taking notice here and there of the way beer and spirits producers were serving up drinking guidance in their ads. Here are random samples. 11 of 18 notices include the word “responsibly” or “responsibility.” Now, that’s some percentage…in fact, higher than the alcohol content found in imported vodkas. Here they are, just as I found them:

Amarula: Amarula is a rare find. Appreciate accordingly.

Bacardi Silver Mojito: RESPONSIBILITY MATTERS®

Belvedere: Indulge Moderately.

Christiania: none

Crop Harvest Earth®: none

Effen: DRINK is a five-letter word, as long as you do so responsibly.

elit: DRINK WITH CARE

Gentleman Jack: Drinking responsibly is always the right step.

Glenfiddich®:  SKILLFULLY CRAFTED. ENJOY RESPONSIBLY.

GLENMORANGIE: Please Drink Responsibly

Kahlúa®: DRINKING RESPONSIBLY IS MÚY DELICIOSO. (more on “múy” in a later post)

Karlsson’s: none

Knob Creek: drink smart®

Michelob Ultra® Light: RESPONSIBILITY MATTERS®

Orzel: Sip Responsibly.

Sobieski: PLEASE ENJOY SOBIESKI RESPONSIBLY.

Tito’s Handmade Vodka: Handcrafted to be savored responsibly.

Woodford Reserve®: CRAFT CAREFULLY. DRINK RESPONSIBLY.

Did you notice that Bacardi and Michelob have the same thing going on?

Sip Tip: If you’re looking for greater proof points, head to Finland.